urgh i really hate life now.
life is so full of ironys. sometimes ironys are funny, you laugh and get over it. but it sucks when irony is a bitch that laughs at you and slaps you in the face, leaving that stinging sensation
right now, irony and i are not on good terms. AT ALL.
went for freshmen welcome ceremony today and i must say, i have never felt so alone in my life before. walking amongst 2000 odd ppl, but not being to recognise or relate to a SINGLE person really sucks. i felt like such a loner, in an environment where everybody seems to know everybody but i am the only one who is a lost sheep. there were like a million moments in that excrutiatingly long day that i wanted to just go home, but i told myself that i had to be postitive and perservere. and so i did, i sat through the entire thing, but i was completely silent and friendless throughout. i was stupid enough to skip lunch cause i didnt feel like eating alone standing in the crowd by myself with a plate and i ended up suffering from a gastric attack on my way home. i swear walking out of that auditorium at 430 and running after the shuttle bus back to pioneer mrt was the peak of my day.
i was feeling really upset and my head was throbbing like mad after leaving, as if punishing me for being such an antisocial bitch the whole day. as ironic as it may sound, i honestly believed today that i would actually feel less lost and have more friends if i had chosen to fly thousands of miles away to uk instead. i don't want to regret. i really don't. nothing hurts more like regretting your own decision. and right now, its hurting pretty bad. i dunno whether its just that i am having a rough start; i hope its because of that. i keep telling myself, ppl keep telling me its going to be a lot better as school goes on and you start making new friends. i gotta stay postitive. i kept supressing my feelings and psychoing myself, but once i let my guard down, that was it. a simple "how was school today?" from my grandma and a "you have to stay positive!" from my mum just made me lose it completely. i hate being so weak, not being able to stick to my initial decision. urgh fickle-minded me sucks.
pls let my uni life be awesome. not just good. it must be AWESOME. so that i will know that i have made the right decision and stop regretting.
I was flying 23:25
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
Images: x x
Inspiration: blogger
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Wednesday, 1 September 2010