current employment status: UNEMPLOYED
expected earnings in future: ZERO
current financial status: DEFICIT
zzz omg retail therapy OVERDOSE!!!!! damn. everytime i go out with wennie, we spend like no one's business! like last fri after the attachment, we went to far east and bought 2 pairs of shoes each. then today, we went to recruit express to find a job and stop bumming around. but instead of getting a job, WE WENT SHOPPING!!!! zzzz. win liao. we were totally acting like tai tais! haha. shopping on a weekday afternoon and high tea (bubble tea actually ahha). i feel like such a bum:/
i am going to stay at home tomm. no more going out. no more shopping. no more spending money!!!! i need a job desperately:(((
I was flying 18:12
haha super interesting patient today. super funny conversations.
patient: i don't want to stay in hospital, i have a phobia of hospitals
doctor: then don't you have a phobia of death?
patient: i don't fear death. i believe my god has a plan for me.
doctor: who is your god?
patient: jesus christ. i believe he has a plan for me.
doctor: i'm also a christian, so your god is also my god, and your god has sent me here to help you!
patient: doctor can you give me something for my rashes? is there any erm.... cream that i can eat???
doctor: eeew why do you want to eat cream!
(everyone bursts out laughing)
patient: oh i mean apply! hahah.
nurse: the only cream you can eat is ice cream!
lol. love the nurse.
after this attachment, i think i am pretty settled and determined i wana go into med. was kinda shaky before, but kinda decided liao. love the doctor-patient interactions:) i can really see myself enjoying this kind of work:) ok now whats left is whether i can get into medicine.
quote the patient: i believe god has a plan for me:)
I was flying 18:05
bahh really tired today. had an interesting day though. many many new insights.
wennie and i started our attachment today. morning we observed clinic. it was pretty interesting cause we saw many liver transplant patients. some post transplant some pre. it was really interesting seeing the interactions between the doctors and the patients. its like when you are a doctor, you get to take part in a person's life and really get to know the person. there was this uncle, he was really energetic and all despite having had a liver transplant. he was wearing really bright clothing and like star-printed pants. ahaha. i really liked his response when the doctors were all like "whoa new look today ah!" he said "yea new life what!" its the optimism that really brightens up the whole atmosphere. and the transplant coordinators were so cute. they were trying to "matchmake" patients. ahah. and i am very thankful to my grandparents for having taught me dialect. i think its such an essential skill esp when you are interacting with a lot of old people. i really don understand why ppl don want to learn it. but i had a real good experience in the clinic:)
hmmm i was kinda optimistic and all but after lunch when we were walking around the wards, i felt quite sighhhh... its like you see all this people suffering and struggling, then for some reason i dunno why maybe they are not supposed to do so or something but like no one really helps them? i dunno. like there was this uncle who was trying to get his dentures right, and he was kinda strugglig with it for quite long but no one helped. i had this urge to go up and put it on for him but no patient contact allowed. sigh. and also some patients are a bit mentally deranged and they are tied down to the beds. i think its really really sad to just lie in bed the whole day, not even able to move your hands. then there was this uncle who is a bit schitzo. i think his daughter cant care for him but he was like "i call her now she will come bring me home. my daughter loves me very much" it was such a heart wrenching feeling. and many a times, the 4 doctors will just stand around the bed and discuss the patient's situation, and the poor old man will just look at them. can you imagine ppl standing around you discussing about your fate? whether you live or die? i dunno but i sort of sensed hope but at the same time fear in their eyes. and there were quite a few cases where i heard "is he suitable for surgery? No. is he suitable for transplant? No." then my heart just sank.
i still dunno whether i really have the aptitude to be a doctor. as in i really wanna help and all, but am i up to it? just seeing myself getting so emotional makes me scared. many ppl say its something you get used to. but how do you get used to telling ppl that there is no hope for them anymore? hmmm. i guess this phrase that i heard from some medicine speaker is really true. "a doctor often relief, seldom cure, always comfort." its an unescapable truth that sometimes there is really no cure for a patient, but nevertheless, the doctor will always smile to the patient and comfort him by saying "you are doing great, keep it up, you will be fine". I guess this really helps the patient by boosting their morale. i believe that if you have the will to live, you will live. even for another day, another minute, you will definitely hang in there longer than someone who has given up.
I was flying 22:45
i think i screwed up my ST interview today. i dunno i just got a very negative vibe from the interviewers. they were really skeptical about my passion for aerospace. but i think i did a lousy job convincing them too. i mean i don really know how to describe why i like planes. i just do. its like love at first sight(ok a bit too corny here) you dont really know why, but you just feel that way. and i totally got shot down for not going to the airshow:/ i just think i did quite a bad job, didnt really leave a good impression. oh wells, no point thinking about it anymore. as always, i am going to leave it to fate to decide.
I was flying 19:21
last year at this time, i was really hyper, cause its the reality tv season. i rmb going to school on thurs(or was it fri) getting really excited talking to wenqi about american idol and wennie about antm. ahha. and on tues i will tlak to lisa about amazing race and look forward to friday to watch survivor! ahha. yes i am a reality tv junkie. the time of the year has come again, but this year things have been rather boringggg.....
american idol is lousy this year. the judges are all bs-ing when they say the talent gets better every year. last season was soooo much better! this year its really kinda boring. besides siobhan. there are so many ppl who don deserve the top 12! like tim, paige, andrew(totally over-rated), katie, aaron(a bit). thats like half! i wish they will just go to the part where its just didi, lee and siobhan left. and wth what is with miley cyrus being the guest judge. arent the guest judges supposed to be the damn imba and experienced ppl in the industry??? booo today's episode was one of the WORST i have seen in some time.
and there seem to be more and more bitches on antm. damn annoying can't stand those ppl who just keep screaming and making damn a lot of noise. i prefer australia's next top model. at least they factor in personality also. they come down quite hard on those who are bitchy and smoking and all. but america only looks at the face. booo. but nothing super interesting this year... so far its just average? i think they should get all the past winners together and have an america's next SUPER top model. ahha.
but yay survivor still rocks:) russel is still being an ass and doing what he does best and the villains are still winning!:) ahha. its so ironic that the villain tribe is acting so peaceful and "heroic" while the heroes tribe have never ending conflicts and back stabbings and and are "villainist". love this show man.
I was flying 00:22
gosh i hate writing these scholarship and application essays. can you really honestly tell a person's character from all this crapping in essays? as in i try to write as sincerely as possible, but because there are just so many and the questions are so corny, it desensitizes you. and whats left is just trying to write something presentable.
and can you really tell a person's character with interviews??? i dunno. i mean ppl always say you can PREPARE for interviews, so you mean you can prepare your character? so at the end of interviews the one who is a better speaker stands out.
ok but i mean besides living with a person and really getting to know the person, you won't really know the person's character and all right.
i guess i am just grouchy from writing those essays. ahha.
I was flying 20:53
i hate choices. always gives me a headache when i am made to choose. hate weighing the pros and cons. cause ultimately it will be the same afterall. hate knowing that choosing one option will lead to having give up the other. hate fearing that if i choose the wrong choice i will regret. esp if the choice is a life chanigng one. hate choices. i wish life is kind and it only gives us one choice - the one that is best for us. then we can save the trouble of having to worry and think about our choices.
so ironic i hate choices but yet i am choosy. ahha.
I was flying 00:02
*if you watch the chnl U 7pm show, SPOILER ALERT*
finished up the korean drama with my ah ma last night. omg i think its the most i have ever cried for a long long time... throughout the first 100 episodes or wtv, you keep cursing at the villains and hoping they will just die because they are just so damn evil and annoying. but at the end when they reallly die, you cry and weep and forget all the bad the villain has done. i cried A LOT. i am a sucker for this kind of sad scenes. esp when there are ppl dying i sure cry like siao one. my eyes are still kinda puffy from the 3 hours of non stop crying. i thought the show was really well written. i mean instead of just showing that the good wins and the bad loses and we just rmb the bad the villain has done and the glory of the good, we see the good side of the villain too. i was sobbing and sobbing cause its so sad all the bad things the villain has done is actually for the good of her son. so technically speaking, she is good right? i mean from her son's point of view. her son was so sweet i rmb him saying "although everyone hates my mum and scolds her but to me she is like an angel"(ok i cried a bit more than usual when the son comes out and says touching things like that. and the guy who has been a good for nothing in the entire show finally shows that he is worth something, and does one last heroic act before dying. well happy ending, everyone forgives each other.
i guess thats the beauty of humans... no matter what grudges you hold, when it comes to the life and death moment, you immediately forget all the stupid things you did/say to each other and only rmb the good times.... people waste so much of their lives hating each other, doing mean things to each other, bitching, sabotaging... what for? all these things get forgotten. only the good things remain:) there is good in everyone. no one was born to hate and bear grudges and do mean things to each other. some people just get distracted along the way. afterall, mistakes are inevitable. we were all born with a magnanimous heart, born to forgive. so even when the villain dies, we can't bear to go YES SERVE YOU RIGHT. we still cry and sob for we rmb the good the villain has done and the sacrifices she has made to be a villain. to think of it in a weird way, villains are heroes too. if there are no villains in this world, there would be no heroes right? its like if there is no bad, there is no good.
ok yes i know its kinda silly getting so emotional over a show. and yes i get it such things never happen in real life. but one of the nicest endings to a drama i have seen in a long time:) interesing twist.
I was flying 16:53
went for my first medical attachment today! bock's dad is real nice he lets me go anytime he has surgery so v flexible timing:) but had a suay morning. there was a striaght bus form my house the gleneagles but then the bus took FOREVER to come. plus the traffic was so bad and there were so many ppl on board the bus moved so slowly!!! i had to alight at cjc and hail a cab-.- i was allowed to go into the OT where the operation was held! so cool i was wearing the green OT clothes(like the grey's anatomy kind). the doctors there are pretty nice:) the anasthesiologist(god i cant spell) was quite friendly too he was explaining to me some stuff before the operation. it was a key hole surgery so most of the time we were just staring at the screen. and i felt quite bad cause bock's dad was trying to explain to me stuff but i didnt really get it cause everything looks kinda he same to me. its just red and yellow(fats) inside. can't really imagine what everything is. shall go read it up. but still quite interesting! the most "exciting" part for me would be when they were trying to wake the guy up i guess. kinda cool and scary at the same time how ppl can make you unconscious and conscious when and where they like. looking forward to the next surgery:)
spent the rest of the afternoon lan-diaoing at home with my ah ma as we marathoned 妻子的诱惑from 230-930. ahha. we watch until don need eat dinner liao. just keep watching and watching.didnt finish it but at 930 i was like ok taboleh tahan liao and my ah ma realised how long we have watched. ahah.
and american idol was really disappointing last night. wth katie got in and lily out?!?!?! and i think andrew garcia doesnt deserve to be there. ok straight up was great but he hasnt had a good performance since! alex totally deserved it more. and paige has the most annoying screaming voice! why is she in and kaitlin out??? and aaron and tim shouldnt be there too. esp tim. he cant sing well. just looks cute. and whats with all the guitar playing??? there are just too many guitarist. this season really isnt good. what is america doing???? they are voting for the wrong ppl man. i am still rooting for siobhan, lacey and lee. if these 3 gets kicked out, i will STOP WATCHING AI. booo. oh but dear matt came back on AI!!!<3 but he was stuck with a piano duet with scott. booo. but yay matt:)
I was flying 23:54
LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
pretty fun, i felt like santa claus giving out my cookies. aahah. was super busy though had tonnes of things to clear, need to return everything and settle stuff. but i think the highlight of the day was definitely my first period lessons with my other sec 3 A math class:) they were so sweet they drew a nice big THANK YOU MISS LIM on the whiteboard with all the math formulas and stuff. ahah. and we quickly took pictures before my mentor came and we acted like nothing happened. ahah. the best thing was they sang the quadratic formula song for me!!! haha. they sang it at the end while doing their filing. super cute:) although a bit sad to leave them, but i am really glad this internship is over. i am REALLY WORN OUT. i need my well deserved break man! in the mean time i shall actively search for a job. i am currently UNEMPLOYED!!! but still spending. rahh.
after school, headed down to town with huiyu to watch alice in wonderland 3D. it was quite nice:) but i almost fell asleep when they were chasing each other all around-.- love johnny depp! but i think he can only act in fictional movies now. he totally still has the pirates swagger in the movie as the mad hatter! and i though the mad hatter and alice had a little something something going on. ahah. my only complaint was WHY ARE THE MOVIE TIX SO DAMN EX??? last year i rmb watching ice age in 3D it was only 10 bucks. alice in wonderland is 14 bucks! hyper inflation man. ok but i totally splurged on nonsense today. bought a top and white shorts(mine turned pink after it went for a nice spin with mny red cardigan).
I was flying 20:47
freakin tired... and i get v easily irritated when i am tired:/ super super no mood to do anything, super annoyed randomly. i just need some time alone... to sleep.. to dream about random stuff... i think i have been spending too much time around so many ppl i havent really had time to catch up with myself. spent my last week end going out, barely any time to snuggle in bed and stone.
second last day of school. kinda happy cause i'm really tired and its like YES I CAN TAKE BREAK but yea kinda sad cause i can't bear to leave my students:( like some of them were really sweet they will be like all i will miss you, don't go le cher. quite happy my hard work and lack of sleep to bake cookies for my sec 3 A Math class didnt go to waste. k maybe i ownself think one. but i thought they thanked me really loudly today:) it was like thank you mr low AND MISS LIM! ahah. lol. ok i must be going mad. well i hope they enjoyed/understood my lessons.
ok i still have freakin a lot of things to mark/write/apply/do/clear.
i am so going to major hibernate on saturday.
I was flying 14:58
busy busy weekend!
headed back to rj to listen to the NUS-med talk by some ex rj guy. he was really v -.- but informative la. ahha. at least its not the kind of talk you will fall asleep at. although he mentioned that you will be super no life when you enter med school cause of the work load and stress and stuff, but i dunno why in a weird way it made me want to go med school even more. haha. really looking forward to going to med school but then the admission process is really tough:/ super a lot of competition and yea i don really know what they are looking out for... but i was quite happy 3 friends told me that they think i can be a doctor cause i look v "comfortable" as in i give ppl the v comfortable feeling! ahha. i think thats quite a nice compliment:) i mean doctors are supposed to make you feel better when you are sick right??:) ok i shall jia you and hopefully get into med school:)))
after the talk mons and i wandered around j8 aimlessly and chatted. then at night, had a mini shooting dinner at amk fish and co with alice, zhanni, ben and quli. it was pretty fun:) had a nice time chatting about random stuff. i think i laughed a lot today. from the spastic NUS med guy who was really funny to talking to mons to shooting dinner. ahaha. happy day:)
but i have tonnes of stuff to mark:/ finished marking my dear sec 2 science papers and sighhhh.... i hope they do better next time... i really hope its not cause i am a bad teacher... ok and to their defense, the paper was HARD. as in for them la. ok not exactly the best excuse, cause they still make silly mistakes but they have tried their best... so no complaints from the teacher la. and i realised there is this stack of math assignments that i thought i had alr finished marking hiding under my pile of random books and papers. rahhh. oh not to forget i have to write 9 weeks worth of reflections(i totally forgot). and yes uni and scholarship applications!!!!
shall aim to finish marking the math assignments before going for DSTA tea session. and watch 2 episodes of we got married. ahah.
I was flying 09:56
5 march 2010. a day i will rmb for a long long time. it was a day i spent one month worrying about; a day that rewarded me for my hard work for the past 2 years; a day that marked the end of my school days.
i was expecting to be really emotional and all given all the nerves that i had for a whole month. i thought i would just explode and cry my eyes out upon receiving my results but i guess the atmosphere was just diff. no crying, not much hugging, just everyone standing around congratulating each other. when i received my O lvl cert, there was a lot of hugging and crying; both happy and sad. it was just really emotional. i was really really happy upon receiving my O lvl results. but suprisingly i was rather stony this time. i did well, a lot better than i expected, but i dunno why there just wasnt that great YES I DID IT feeling. maybe cause i partly felt that i didnt deserve some of my grades (i have no idea how that A for GP and econs came about). or i dunno. maybe cause i grew up?
but i guess the greatest emotion i felt(if it is even considered one) would be relief. relief that it is finally all over, relief that i didnt let anyone, including myself down. and i'm pretty happy for my friends too. i think 6O did pretty awesome:) i don't know their grades la, but then ppl looked happy, so i'm happy for them:) haha love this bunch of ppl. after 2 years, nothing much has changed. we still lag like shit like no one's business. after results, we all sat in a cirlce and talked and lagged. we just can't think of a place to go! haha. but we headed off to domino's pizza near isa's house and chatted and lagged more while eating:)
ok not to spoil the atmosphere here, but i was really pissed at this taxi today during my driving! he kept horning at me when i was about to make a U-turn. WHY YOU SO KAN CHEONG UNCLE?!!?!?!? i was looking around to see if there were any cars before proceeding. and ok i admit i am slow. but can't you be a little more understanding???? there is a big fat red "L" on the back of my car!!! he made me so nervous! rahh.
well i guess this marks the end of my school days; no more uniforms, no more textbooks, no more lecture notes... k gotta start getting started on those applications man. super a lot of essays to write. rahh.
I was flying 23:10
24 hours left.... my heart is beating damn irregularly. tomm at this time, my fate will be revelaed... shit super super nervous. 2 years of torture all comes down to this. SCARED like hell!!! i need to occupy myself with something to think about or do so my mind won't wander off... i can expect lots of weird and creepy results-linked dreams tonight man. rahhh.
ok digress digress lets talk about something else. hmmm.... AMERICAN IDOL! this season american idol like quite boring. although there are many big voices, not v fun le. their song choice all so sian diao one! like by this time last season, i alr had many favs. but now i only have one. and that is Lee! ahah love his rustic rough voice. but i still love matt from last season better!:)(yes i am not over matt yet)
lunching with my dear fellow interns later then dinner-ing with lisa yy and wennie! must have a good last meal before anything happens. rahh i really really hope everyone does well. anw have been a bit less nervous thanks to the 2 silly interns. we had our camwhore week and we camwhored like crazy. we had like dress code theme everyday then keep taking photos. haha. the 5 lian pai thing yesterday extended to a 10 lian pai today. lol. we are spastic shit man. but great fun:)
ok this is not helping my heart is still beating v irregularly and i am still feeling permanently nervous:/ all i shall erase all negative thoughts. wahhh wouldnt it be so nice to have the O lvl scene replay???:)
everything happens for a reason. lets hope that reason is a damn good one.
I was flying 14:51
sigh. my sec 2 class had their common test today. and it was v disheartening seeing them do the paper:( i feel v bad cause maybe they don't understand what i teach so they dunno how to do:( sighh. there goes my hopes of having all passes. ok maybe the paper was a little hard, but still many couldnt not do the simple ones too. i dont dare to mark, cause i don dare to count their marks. i really v xin tong for them:( now i just hope that AT LEAST half pass? pls pls pls let me have at least half pass:/
hopefully my sec 3 students will be ok for their A math tomm. super scared for them. they v funny though. chmel taught them f=ma during physics. and they went am = f! Amath equals to fail! faints. but they still tell me they love amath-.- my shit lo. ahha. k la i have more confidence in my sec 3 classes. although i havent seen the paper but i'm quite sure they should be able to handle. I HOPE.
scared like shit. i took the train today and when it went past bishan my heart started beating twice the original speed. bloody hell. tomm night confirm no need sleep liao. hmm maybe i shall watch my dramas tomm. or play the sims 2 expansion pack that my aunt lent me. ahha.
44 hours till my fate is revealed.
omg such an inauspicious number. bahhh.
I was flying 11:58
i have no idea when i started this obsession with vintage flower prints and stuff. i only rmb shopping with wennie last year and she was eeew-ing at all the flower print stuff and i was going omg so pretty! ahha. i'm so drawn to vintage flower designs! its so pretty:) bought a flower printed top, a flower printed skirt, and today i bought a flower printed pad holder! lol. was shopping with jacq after school at northpoint and we went to the pretty shop that sold all things FLOWERY AND VINTAGE AND PRETTY (omg my heaven there) and we saw this thingy that had little pockets. i thought it was a tissue holder but jacq insisted it could work as a pad holder. i didnt believe at first cause i didnt think it would fit. but then it really could fit! haha. she said its weird and akward to blog about this. but i figured ppl who read my blog are all females, so ITS OK JACQ!!! ahha. but that shop is really like my heaven. ALL pretty vintage flowery stuff! everything looks so pretty and nice there... i must resist going there for i will uncontrollably buy something that i might not really need(just like my new pad holder). i need to save money!!!
anw kinda nice meeting jacq today after school. havent met her for the longest time! finally passed her her super belated xmas/shanghai trip present. ahha. she still had an obsession with blue. kinda like my obsession with flowers. the last time i went shopping with her she bought a blue top. today she was on the search for striped polo tee. and she ended up getting a blue one(what a suprise) haha. oh and did i mention she was wearing another blue top (which she didnt fail to remind me it was only 10 bucks. ahha)
need to occupy my brain with stuff so i wont think so much about fri:/ SCARED!!!!
I was flying 17:58
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
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Inspiration: blogger
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Tuesday, 30 March 2010