my hair is REDDDDDD. i finally dyed it. ahhhh. so not used to it la! my mum kept saying that its too dark and you wont be able to see anything. MY HEAD AH! it was like damn red! esp under light. like when i plucked one strand out i can tell its dyed!! ahhhh.... i should have gone for like dark brown or somethign-.- ok that will be just a waste of time and money and dye and killing my hair for nothign.
bleah i feel like an ah lian:/ not the innocent me anymore:/
I was flying 13:45
i survived to blog about winnie's driving! haha:)
winnie drove us round shopping today! initially we were still a little worried, but turns out winnie is quite a good driver! she scared us a bit initially. she was like "i need someone to sit infront to remind me to brake." lol (i think when she said that everyone held on to their safety belts tight.) haha. but she drives v smoothly! i think if i were her i would have hit like every single kerb on my way down fron the multi storey carpark-.- lol. i just have a super bad sense of my car hitting stuff and the steering wheel in general:/ anw we went to city square mall (the eco-friendly mall). we followed the GPS until it kept making us go in rounds and rounds! lol. stupid GPS. we found our way using the good old street directory instead:)
but city square mall is quite sian. nothing much to shop, but super a lot of places to eat. ahah. i saw my dream sofa in picket and rail!!! so pretty! it had my fav vintage kind of flower prints and it was nice and fluffy! odd and winnie said they were going to buy it for me when i get my new house. I'M HOLDING YOU ALL TO THAT AH!!! ahah. i think next time when i get a house i am just going to buy one super comfy bed, a tv, and that sofa. actually one room flat enough liao! ahah. and i'm not going to have a house phone. cause phones are annoying! used to find them irritating at home, now in the office when i have to pick up phone calls all the time, i feel like cutting the phone line of every phone i see! rahhh. ok back to picket and rail. jacq and odd were abusing all the cute giant teddy bears around putting them in odd positions-.-
on our way back the silly GPS was damn lame. i think it couldnt find a way into the expressway so it made us go into the opposite direction, drive for like a few minutes then U-turn into the correct direction again-.- lol. and winnie was super funny on the expressway. initially she was speeding like 100km on a RAINY day (the rain cloud was following us but we managed to outrun it eventually) then suddenly there was a speed camera and she slowed down to like 30 plus! lollll. damn funny.
and wa lau auto cars are so much easier to drive! but i think manual cars are more fun still. ahha. next time when i pass i wanna drive ppl around too! i think its quite fun:) provided i have a GPS and there are ppl willling to risk their lives to sit in my car. lol. somemore i will be driving manual car, lagi worse. ahah.
ride in my car... IF YOU DARE. lol.
I was flying 23:58
ITS FINALLY MINEEEEEEEEE:)))) yes i know i lag but wheeee:))))
I was flying 22:33
life is all about decisions. every single decision made in this world affects everyone. it could be something big, like america deciding to vote for their first black president. it could even be something small, like deciding what to eat for dinner. no matter how great or significant the impact, every decision has its own impact and thus must be made carefully. do not belittle any decision. you may think that perhaps deciding what to eat is a small decision, doesnt really matter. go tell that to the woman who died after deciding to eat indian rojak man! so you see, every decision is impt. so think wisely.
have been going back and forth on my deicision. this blog post was initially supposed to be on how i have already made the biggest decision of my life yet, but before i could finish typing out this blog post, my determination wavered again. stupid huh. i think that decision making is really one of my greatest weakness. i guess i just think too much. too many "but what if..."s pop up when i try to make a decision. its like i can go on and on forever weighing the pros and cons and never make a decision. hmmm i think this is why i didnt get into med. a doctor needs to be damn strong in decision making. if i were going back and forth on my decision, my patient would be dead before i finally decide what to do man. sigh. life is full of ironies. the one thing that i have decided on and so unshakenably determined, is out of reach. but the other things that i am so undecided on and hesitant about is waving to me, screaming at me to make a decision. this may sound silly, but whenever i am faced with this kind of problems, the thought that prevents me from just breaking down and giving up entirely is that "god is testing me. god is presenting a challenge to me to see how i will react, to help me grow. if i am able to pull through, then pass the test."
i realised its useless for me to ask other's opinions. because i know that once i make a decision, i am usually quite stubborn about it. i am just afriad taht it is not the right one. so actually when i ask my friends what they think of my decision, what i am seeking for is not opinions, but rather assurance. in the end, even if the whole world says no, but one person says yes, i will still go along with my gut feel. but not without fear of regret of course.
i just need enough courage to embrace this decision.
I was flying 23:31
"you try your very best, but if it doesnt work out, thats how fate has planned for it to be."
fate has made its decision: i didnt make it to med. was really disappointed on fri... silly me i wanted to keep it from my parents at first, cause i didnt want them to be disappointed... but turns out, my parents alr knew and they were telling me not to be too disappointed and to try for the appeal. ahha. and they were trying to console me sayign ohh aerospace is great too. but i just felt worse cause they were being so nice about it. i felt like i totally let them down. they had such great hopes for me... sigh.
anw i was quite marvelled by the workings of this mystery force. on sat, i went to the temple to pray with my ah ma and i got a bad qian. i didnt really read it, i was afraid it would make me pessimistic and depressed and all, so i just burnt it. i refused to ask the shifus to help me explain what this meant. i really tried to avoid thinking about it, but it kept hounding me. for the rest of the day, at work, at tuition, at home, i tried to occupy my mind so i wouldnt think of it, but i just couldnt forget about it. i felt so stoned out the entire day. i even harboured the thought of giving up on med and the appeal completely.
this morn, i needed to go ubi to register for an account. on the way there, my dad and i got there RATHER successfully with minimal wrong turns and illegal turns and parkings here and there. you would think that since you can get there you can get back. but on our way back, we were more lost than ever. lol. somehow we turned into tampines. and it was just a really ulu road, on one side was the paya lebar air base and the trees just covered the top so there was not much sunlight. we were hoping to see the ikea and find our way home, but miraculously, we ended up at this temple that we used to go since young. i just felt a lot better after going there... the priest(hmmm i dunno wat is the term) told me that as long as i am willing to work hard and will be humble upon success, god will help me... but then if i dont get it, then its fate... 那就是我的命。i sort of 看开了. haha.
Que sera sera, what will be will be.
I was flying 21:08
sian ttm. i just went to HSA for blood donation and got rejected-.- sacrificed my lunch to come one le! everythign was fine till i got to the blood test. my iron level was 12.4. the acceptable level is 12.5=.= i was like WHATTTT... the nurse said "its just enough for yourself only... cannot donate... i scared later you faint or soemthing." i was like pleading and pleading and in my head i was like "but i'm strong i'm strong! never fainted before in my whole life!" ahah. i'm v sure last time when i donated outside, my iron level was only like 11.7 and they allowed! but HSA more strict i think. aiya not my fault i don like eating red meat, so iron level sure low one.
took some iron tablets from them. never liked taking them cause at the back it says "Please drink plenty of water as it may likely cause constipation" and i would rather faint then suffer from constipation. ahha. i shall take these pills with some milk. maybe their effects will cancel out. ahaha:)
I was flying 12:42
omg i am damn lack of sleep!!! i was totally late for work today. was like 3 trains away from my norm. then when i got to work, i was also like half dead and dazed. the entire day le! ok maybe except lunch. ahah. sian ttm le! then there was this nurse who called and i just totally stoned after saying "good afternoon, admissions office" i just couldnt process what she was saying! then she was like i am from sleep disorders unit. in my head the whole time i was just thinking "hmmm nurse, btw do you happen to have an extra bed??? cause i think i may i also need to go there...." then the poor nurse kept having to repeat herself... lol. wanted to leave at 5, but i was kinda enjoying chatting with winnie online. aha. if you are wondering, YES she is also at WORK. ahaha.
too many things on my mind lately. getting more and more pessimistic. i used to be like greyish-optimistic. like optimistic generally, but leaving a "what if" at the back of my head. now i'm like pale black pessimistic. things that were originally ok or even good, i thought the worse of it. big waves of emotions rushed through me as i stoned at the files infront of me. there were many a time when i could literally feel my cheeck burning and tears brimming in my eyes. super super emotional just by THINKING of stuff. will probably flood singapore if those bad thoughts really happened. and everytime that feeling came, i would pretend to yawn and then rub my eyes looking really tired but i just wanted to make sure no one saw my tears. everyone would think i am some weirdo if i start crying for no reason la-.- need to bleach myself to turn my pale black back to at least a dark grey and get all the negativity out of my system!!!!!
ok i need to just go for a nice break or just do something i like and FORGET everything. i need to just take things as it comes and deal with it. stop looking back, and stop fretting over the future. be concerned of only what is in the PRESENT. which is SLEEP. ok i am going to go zzzz now or else you will see me on the news tomm with headlines:
"SLEEPING LEARNER DRIVER CRASHES INTO TREE"
I was flying 18:51
Professor Wong Yunjie: "all of our feelings are due to hormones"
had a sucky night last night... i thought i would feel better after blogging, but it seemed like the pressure kept piling. i just felt so stressed and upset and horrible. had a major break down, something i didnt expect from myself at all. its so not me my behaviour last night.
but after a good night rest, i was up and going today!:) dunno why super good mood at work. i felt so happy when i could help ppl with their queries or give them directions and stuff. although monday was crazy busy, i was still happy happy happy:) i wont deny that i still did think about stuff i wasnt supposed to, but i think i've really manage to let it go. i was so proud of myself. like "aiyo you are such a sensible and mature girl!" lol. ok but as you can see that happy happy happy feeling sort of went overboard and i got a bit high.
met up with dear friends for our monthly dinner again! lol so fail. we were all looking forward to that $5 pastry pizza that lisa was talking about at pan pacific hotel. then when we got there, they say under 21 not allowed. lol-.- so we ended up eating mr curry AGAIN. lol i think they prob havent seen such a kiasu stingy group of ppl. we were like making hell ot of fuss over this POSB 1-for-1 promotion and other little things like "is iced water chargeable?" or "kope the wet wipes! they are free!" lol. super funny. but as always, there was lots of laughter and retarded things we did. i think we are getting better at cam whoring though! no longer just plain boring 4 ppl shots. haha. yy is always out of the picture and wennie is always doing weird things! ahah. i think i really went over the top high today. damn tired now but still in a good mood!:)
to explain this really rapid change of emotions from feeling way south(learn from prof wong one) to way north(application of new knowledge), we shall apply prof wong's theory of hormonal craziness! its better than her second(overly cheem) manifestation of temporary insanity theory. aha.
I was flying 22:10
wa i was really damn sian diao and slightly depressed on friday... cause i still havent gotten results from NUS med:( i was like looking forward to friday the entire week! (since the previous batch of results came out on fri) then i heard a second batch of ppl got their results... but when i went online, my application status was still "application processing". waa you have no idea how disappointed i was. then i was feeling really uneasy so i went to the brightsparks forum to see what ppl had to say but i just got more sian diao after reading the forum. like many many many ppl got results liao... apparently everyday ppl get results. then this person was like saying "if by now you still havent received your results, its probably game over". my heart just sank. like the titanic. lol. but i shall not despair! there were also ppl in the same sampan as me, still waiting too. and till i get the letter of rejection, i shall TRY to be positive about it and be patient... rahh i keep telling myself not to think about it just let it be. but then now that i work in a hospital, everytime i see a doctor around i think of it once! so you can imagine i worry about it almost ALL the time:/
i dunno if i have ever wanted something so bad in my life:/ but then again, ppl say when you want something too badly, you prob don get it. but then again there are ppl who believe that determination will get you to your goal. ahha. i think i am going to go schitzo soon. its like i have 2 personalities in my brain. when i think negatively, i will be like "eh must stay postive!" but then the negative side will be like "aiya its fate... just accept it..." and when i hear about some ppl getting it, i will be like "wth this kind of ppl can get i cannot??? sad diao!!!" then the good side will be like "eh no bitching! wait you get bad karma!" ahah. seriously going nuts man.
maybe god is testing me, to see how long i can perservere, to see if this is really something i want. my determination has wavered before, but i think now as the days go by, the more sure of myself that this is really something i want to do. i really really hope i can get it! rahh how desperate can i get.
patience, perserverance and positive thinking! go go go!
I was flying 18:43
3rd day of work! super tiring and sian:( at first i was still like sure sure no problem 7-6 can earn more money and kill time. but only 3 days and i am like omggggg.... i am still not getting used to the whole waking up at 5 plus nonsense. just 4-5 days ago i was getting like 12++ hours of sleep a day and wouldnt wake up till the sun was midway in the sky. but now its like the sun is still sleeping but i have to wake up liao! bleah. damn shag every morning. need a good source of caffeine (hate coffee though).
work is generally slack and boring. ahah. my colleague practically teaches me that sgh.com is useless and facebook.com is way more useful. lol. i need to find something to entertain myself with when i am bored at work. cannot sleep, cannot play games on fb. got internet also dunno what to do man. but the ppl working here are all v nice ppl:) the bosses dont mind us surfing net and fb-ing. ahah. my colleague has been really nice and patient teaching me stuff although half the time my mind just goes blank-.- its going to take a while for me to understand the whole system man. so ma fan. sigh. anw i think my colleagues think i am antisocial or damn quiet or something. i get rather annoyed when they introduce me as "here is the new SMS staff, jasmine. eh she is fom rj one le" urgh finally got out of that place but yet still cant escape it. ok but not their fault. and i dunno why i just cant bring myself to speak chinese to them. as in i am usually quite a chinese speaking person, but it just feels weird speaking to them in chinese. and the weirdest thing is that they all speak in chinese. its like i tried! but then i will just auto change to english again. i think english is my "formal" language and chinese is my "informal" language. so with ppl i am not familiar with i will speak in english. i dunno. i think thats the way at least.
anw i saw this article about what your sleeping position says about you and i think its damn accurate! apparetly my sleeping position says that i am "initially appear to be shy and a little antisocial but when you get to know the person well is actually a very vibrant character". ahah.
gambatte jasmine! just 2 and a half months to go... *gulps*
I was flying 23:05
bahh med results are out for many ppl but i am not one of the many ppl:((( my application status is stil application pending:/ i keep telling myself and ppl that i will wait patiently and just treat this whole thing with 平常心 but actually i know deep down inside i am damn kan cheong. i go onto the NUS website to check like at least twice a day. what kind of 平常心 behaviour is that! rahh.
i want time to pass faster!!!
I was flying 20:20
damn. i have been eating too much and doing too little. these 2 weeks i have been just slacking at home and eating away. my mum was like "wa your face got rounder" damn. i went for that jap buffet thing on mon with my mum, then dim sum yesterday and high tea again today. i need to lose weight man! i always blog about putting on weight but never about losing weight! shit i must have put on a tonne since jc. ok i must lose some weight. at least the weight i put on these 2 weeks.
fat blob!!!
I was flying 23:16
my mummy's logic: money earned is meant to be spent:) you work because you need to earn money; you earn money because you can spend it and enjoy yourself:)
we went shopping after a mother's day dimsum at crystal jade with my ah ma. as of coming monday, i would have become a lifeless workaholic. doesnt it suck? when you are free (ie unemployed) you want to go shopping but then you have no money. but then when you start working and earning money, you are too busy to be able to enjoy it and spend it. you can never get the best of both worlds- unless you are a lucky tai tai, an heiress to some fortune or a damn good investor. so i decided to apply my economic knowledge to make full use of the time i have left: expectations of the future. since i expect my real disposable income to increase in the future, i will consume more goods and services now, therefore shifting my deamand curve to the right. ahah. econs is useful afterall:) i didnt really see anythign that i REALLY REALLY liked, but i was just like urgh i need to buy something. i spotted this pair of silver square loops that were really plain and simple. it was almost 30 bucks. on normal occassions i would be like wth 30 bucks for this-.- but today, i was mad. and i bought the loops. some how i managed to convince myself that i could wear this to work and blah blah blah. my mum was like feeling the ache for my wallet. ahha. but i felt happy after buying it. and thats what shopping is for right???:)
I was flying 18:47
when i see that 90.5fm advert "only hear the good stuff" on tv with the horrible driver and her instructor, sometimes i get a little guilty:/ cause er i think my instructor must have ahd a hell lot of patience for not cursing at me yet. ahha. my horrible driving skills have been annoying the hell out of me, my instructor and i believe all my dear fellow ubi road users. but today, i told myself that i shall just concentrate on the most annoying parts first and try to improve.
my 2 goals for today were:
1. ENGINE MUST NOT DIE IN MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.
2. CAR SHALL NOT JERK LIKE IT IS HICUPPING.
and so when i was driving today, i ensured my left foot gently and sssslllooowlllyy released the bloody clutch and i did it!:) so happy:) i thought my driving was so much smoother today:) but i realised i have another deadly prob: i get so super confused at the bloody road junctions! like am i supposed to let this car go first or do i have the right of way? and when do i like peep out a little pass the white line when do i dont??? gahh so confusing.
"you **** change gears smoothly and **** break properly"
haha:)
I was flying 21:15
I FINALLY FOUND A JOB!!!:)))
no more slacking at home! no more stagnant bank account! no more needing to think of what to do tomm! no more no more sleeping till 12pm daily(hmmm this is going to be the only thing i miss:/) will be working at SGH doing some admin stuff from next week onwards:) although the pay sucks, but i just need to do SOMETHING. was quite sian diao i had to go all the way to bukit merah for an interview for a temp job at first(somemore they wanted all the photocopies of my certs and stuff for a clerical job-.-) but it got me a job! and i explored a new part of singapore. ahha.
I was flying 16:27
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
Images: x x
Inspiration: blogger
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Sunday, 30 May 2010