oh man work seems to be never ending:( or is it me who is just extremely slow and inefficient when it comes to doing things like lesson plans and stuff?:/ the 5 day work week thingo is crap man. its more like 5 days work in school and 2 days work at home.
i super want to do medical attachment! i want to experience hospital life and all... i wanna see if medicine is the thing for me... but i'm stuck with this teaching thingo:/ and i can't terminate it:( 6 weeks seem like a really long time... sighh... i wanna pon school! haha. i sound like i am still in rj. hmm maybe i should see if any hospital is nice enough to offer me a weekend attachment:)
ok to cheer myself up, i saw this really adorable picture on the sn alumni facebook:) its some ancient sn uniform like for kindergarten last time i think. they are making it to sell for fund raising i think. the girl in the picture is soooo adorable!!!:) if i had a daughter, i would definitely buy it and let her wear it!:) kawaiii:)
and congrats mons!!!:) haha i dunno if you want ppl to know so i shall not mention it here. and yes i am super honoured to be the first to know!:)
I was flying 16:53
outing at sentosa with 6O today!:)
our last outing before the guys all go into army and have their hair chopped off and become BOTAK!!! ahha. anw i never knew there was such a thing called army specs. i was wondering how come junyu and lum had the same specs then lisa was like "why you so ignorant! its the army specs!" o.o i honestly never heard of it before. pls tell me i am not the only one:/
sentosa was uber crowded though! we couldnt really find a space on the beach. filled with ppl playing volley and stuff. i always thought sentosa was pretty ulu... and it was really hot... we were playing near the water letting the nice cool sea water wash our feet but it got so hot we all taboleh tahan so we went back to our picnic mat under coconut trees to seek refuge.
we got kinda bored playing cards so we borrowed a volley ball from some strangers to play. ahha. quite fun but i suck at it man. i have no ball sense! i keep hitting the ball out and dunno hit ryan and his umbrella how many times. lol. and we quite maluating cause we were playing right next to the national beach volley ball team(i never knew singapore had one) then our ball keep flying into their court. supppperrr malu man. super noob we all(except yy and lisa who were damn pro)but still great fun:)
had to leave early to come back and do lesson plans and prepare for next week:( sighhh. for all those out there who think teachers earn good money, 65 bucks is damn hard earned ok! really a lot of work to do and v mentally draining. ye wei was telling me she is having a hard time at school too. she actually tore up a student's work! haha and i thought i was mean. i bought so many dramas from china but in the end no time to watch at all sia! so busy. and my sims 2 vacation and night life also havent play... let alone my sims 3! (which i am still contemplating whether to buy:/) eileen was telling me she is waitressing at the airport. i wanna go work at changi airport too! everyday can go airport, see aeroplane.... so nice:)
ahh i miss the great times we had tgt in 6O!!! its prob the only thing worth reminiscing in my 2 years in rj. haha i would like to see how the guys look when they are botak. should be pretty interesting. lol.
i'm returning to taekwondo tomm after a 2 month hiatus:/ i think i gg liao. confirm ache here ache there one:( and all the small kids are prob all poom belts or something alr. ahah.
workaholic work work work!
I was flying 19:15
bleah. i feel miserable. teaching is totally not what i expected... like a million times harder than it looks. i really really respect those teachers who have been in this proffession for decades. HOW DO YOU DO IT MAN!!! i'm only in my 3rd week and alr my white flag is there, waiting to be raised. i really don't wish to give up! but then i am really doubting my abilities. i really don't think the students understand me at all! like during math today i felt so bad. i think i completely comfused the class. like as a teacher i should be making them understand but instead they all looked so confused and annoyed. like i could sense these 2 girls like mocking me and giving me the feeling "what you talking? can't teach don't teach la" they were like giving unhappy faces when i called them or like laughing whenever i said someting wrongly. urgh. and i find it really difficult to like scrub it all down and teach the simple basics step by step. cause like i am so accustomed to doing short cuts and compiling all the info tgt before doing i find it v hard to teach the long way!!! and i dunno why the students are learning the longer methods:/ although this is a good experience for me, but i don't wanna make the students suffer cause of that. bahh knowing math and being able to teach math is totally different man. urrghhh this sucks. i am such a horrible teacher.
i need to be able to convince myself that i can and will pull through this next 6 weeks. i think i am already quite sure that i won't be going into teaching in the future. i can't see myself doing this for the next 10 years. and i don't think i am the type who gets numbed by time. like most teachers say after a while you will be ok with everything. but then i don't think so le. like if you like something, no matter how hard or xin ku you will also grit your teeth and pull through. but if you don't have the passion in something, i think even if everything goes smoothly you will want to give up. but i really like my students. ok maybe except for those 2 cause i am still sort of a bit pissed about their sniggering. haha. ok forgive and forget. i forgive them! (unless they do it again the next lesson which i think they will) try to hang on jasmine! you are not a quitter. nono.
anw i think the "ommmmmm" meditation thing really helps calm you down. ahha. like you can really feel the vibration as the sound sort of travels through your brain. i wanna go swim. it has the same nice calming effect:) and can shun bian lose some weight. ahha. sucks when you see nice clothes and can't buy cause its meant for skinny ppl to wear:/ or like that store hypnosis or something. "oh sorry the largest size we carry is M. we only have XS, S and M" LIKE THAT LO. discriminate against fat ppl. one day when the next ice age comes we will have fats to protect us nad you won't! lol. i am slightly losing it.
anw quite happy i got my manchester uni conditional offer! so thats 3 out of 5 now. but the 3 are not those that i realy want. liverpool is tempting though, cause of its pilot studies programme:) and i think surrey is kind of out of the question cause i think their aerospace not v good. i got a conditional offer of BBB. lol. still waiting for bristol and imperial to reply. sigh but i think even if they reply, i prob can't meet their condition. it'll prob be like an AAAA or something. okok no negativity here. miracles miracles miracles:)))
think happy thoughts! beautiful grassland... nice breeze, trees rustling..... lying down on the grass looking at the beautiful sky...... oh look whats that! a beautiful aeroplane!!!! ahha. a nice fluffy pillow to hug.... nice soothing song to listen to..... ommmmmmmmmmmmmm........
I was flying 13:06
singaporeans are kind and helpful afterall:) my stupid nose suddenly leaked for no apparent reason today in the train and this nice malay lady lent me tissue paper! and she gave me the entire pack somemore. such a nice person:)
i'm really glad i finally finished marking the math assignments! marked until wanna puke blood. my heart goes out to all math teachers in the world. ni men xin ku le! ahha. i kinda stopped feeling bad for myself after jacq sent me an mms of the vectors assignment she was marking. ahha hilarious...
and i have decided (like 75%) that i will be going to shanghai to visit my cousins during the march holidays!:) and like stay for 2 weeks. hopefully the school will allow me to take one week off:/ or else i will just not continue. ahha i sound so spoilt and ren xing. lol.
hmmm kinda shaky on what i wanna do in uni again.... i wanna go overseas but i know i can't live alone:( i will get super duper homesick. like the 3 weeks japan trip in sec 3 was bad enough. now it'll be like 4 years..... but again.... sigh i shall stop myself from being pessimistic. what will be will be. nothing i can do now.
tireddddddddddd but i must hang on. back massage anyone???
I was flying 15:45
blogging keeps you sane. it allows you to rant out all the nonsense bottled up inside. so at 3.30am .on a tuesday morning, jasmine feels that its time to start blogging again. haha
i miss my cousins. i really do. i hate/love it when they call. i get super excited and happy when i hear those cute squeaky voices going jasmine jie jie!!!! but for only like 10s. cause being the sweet and lovable monkeys they are, their next line is always "jie jie i miss you can you come to shanghai?" and its like a 180 degree change from a hyper HI! to a sad and pitiful whiney i miss you:( wa piang its damn sad when i have to tell them i can't go over and see them although i really really want to:( but they are so cute. when i ask them to come back to singapore instead they will tell me "i got no money. you working you got money" ahhaa. i was so eager to fly there and see them i actually went to buy 4D on sun to see if my 2 bucks will tranform into an air ticket to shanghai. ahah. but everyone knows you don't strike 4D as and when you like it. i think its like how it is in life when you want something so badly you usually don't get it. haha. i must have been too eager:/ CNY is going to suck this year cause they are not going to be back. i can alr imagine sulking in my room and occassionally popping into the living room to force a smile and shake hands with those relatives i see once a year. BOOOO HOOOO HOOOO.
ok back to earth. my bodyclock is absolutely screwed. was up till 3 on sun doing lesson plans and what not so i absolutely K.O.ed when i got home today. with more work on my hands. 2 weeks and i am screaming taboleh tahan! i am wondering how teachers actually can teach for like 10 years some even for a few decades. i kinda regret but not regret this teaching thing. i mean regret as in i came in with a clear intention that i wouldnt be a teacher in the future, just here for a job and an experience. but i don't regret cause its really an eyeopening experience. its almost like i have been living in another singapore and now the berlin wall has been knocked down and i am exposed to the other side. kind of a humbling experience i guess. so far i enjoyed interacting with the students and teaching as in the ACT of teaching is ok i guess, but i absolutely whine at the backstage work teachers do. like the preparations and all. :( ok but i have decided i am going to make the best out of this 9 weeks. even if it means staying up late everyday. i really hope i can help the students as much as possible, like at least they can choose their courses in future and choose where they want to go. i know how dreadful it is to do somehting you don't like but have no choice:/
i kinda promised a student i would extend and teach till june if she did well for her test:/ i was really touched that after only 1 lesson she came and asked me to stay and continue teaching her:) i hope she does well but i dunno if i can keep to my promise:( even if i extend i was hoping to drop math completely cause i really don't like teaching math. i love teaching science though! its fun to fill their minds with new concepts about the world and all. and i get damn happy when students ask me questions that are not really in the syllabus cause it shows they are really interested:) math is kinda useless. i mean BASIC math is useful cause it ensures you get the correct change and can deal with your finances and all. but other than that, i havent seem to found a use for it since sec 1:/ but yet math is the kind of subject that everyone has to take. sian. i can't teach a subject i don have passion in. its like i find math so sian, but then i have to make my students like it? kind of a tall order eh. but for the students, i must jia you! i really hope to help more students do well and be able to pursue their dreams. haha sounds so cliche. its so gokusen! like yamaguchi sensei. ahah.
ok i think this is enough ranting for someone up at 3am. ahha. i should give myself a がんばりましょう！ chop:) (that was meant for my students and i bought at daisou at only 2 bucks! great bargain) and よくできました！ chop:) (its actually 3 chops in one set! ok stop obsessing over the chop) to motivate myself!:) if i got through 2 years in rj, i can get through anything. haha.
i forsee my blog will be up and alive again. blogging keeps one sane.
I was flying 03:30
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
Images: x x
Inspiration: blogger
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Sunday, 31 January 2010
