i have put on weight. A LOT of weight. thus, i need to shed those annoying fats before my seemingly pregnant tummy grows so big i cant see my toes (like kungfu panda).
therefore, i need to lose weight. A LOT of weight.
well, good luck to you jasmine.
I was flying 15:07
was checking my email this morn and saw in my junk mail a mail from raffles alumni. normally i would just delete it with the rest of the nonsense in my junk mail, but somehow today i decided to open it...
it was about raising funds to help this ex rj guy cause he got attacked by a gang of robbers and he got seriously injured... had to amputate 4 fingers... i saw the name and it was completely unfamiliar, but i realised it was a fellow batchmate... although i didnt know that person even existed (given i was a total hermit crab in rj), but the word "class of 2009" made me feel like i knew that person even though i really didnt. but i just felt so heavy hearted after reading it... somemore he was the canoe cap... its like one day he was still so healthy and now... sigh. but at least he is not giving up! really admire these ppl. if it were me, i dunno if i will have that kind of strength to carry on... given the super pessimestic outlook i have for the year, i think i wouldnt be able to handle it. so really, hat off to him.
ok in light of this, i shall stop complaining about work till work ends. complaining about work is just me being a bitch. there are so many ppl out there struggling with much harder things such as fighting through an illness or fighting just to stay alive. i'm complaining about such minor things that seriously i wont even rmb a few months later.
my ah gong is going for a scope today. i shall be a nice and non bitchy girl today, so pls let everything go well!
p.s. although i don't know you, jia you and don't give up k!:)
I was flying 08:06
wa i want to tell that irritating other dept boss off man. seriously! he is damn selfish la! treat his own staff v well but treat others like trash. double standard ttm i tell you. i admit, he is a good boss, he treats his staff well and fairly and all. but too bad he is not MY boss. so i find him super duper irritating. in order to treat his dear over pampered staff well, he has to compromise on OUR staff. what the hell la.
office no space alr still keep hiring more ppl! hire alr then FORCE us to squeeze and share with his staff! huh. tell him our staff using what he say? "I DON CARE". since you don care then you still bother asking for what! and well you know what, i don care too! ass hole.
then his staff whole day lala around talk loudly laugh laugh laugh can la! but our staff sit in the PANTRY during LUNCH BREAK laugh laugh talk talk CANNOT LA. huh. must come and knock. knock for what! not happy ah. not happy WEAR EAR MUFFS LA. and somemore he himself talk so damn loudly all the time in his irritating loud and nasal voice.
and he is always acting like he is so high up there and arrogant. SO ATAS FOR WHAT! we not cool enough huh, go work in PRIVATE HOSPITAL LA. since you like to be so atas.
ok. finish scolding him liao. may continue later if he irritates me again.
I was flying 14:36
wooo hooo i passed my driving!!!!!!!!:)))))))))))))))
ahha what an experience. i think i had the shortest test ever!!! mine only took 15 min in total-.- initially i thought i failed! my testor was like nagging at me like siao outside. i was so super stressed la. somemore my test was so short i thought i failed liao. but suprisingly i passed! ahah. the only annoying thing was that i forgot to bring along a passport sized photo and had to take one and that photo just turned out to be my ugliest passport photo ever-.- oh wells, i shall just try to be a good driver so that no one will ever see my photocard. ahah.
but the sian thing is that my dad dont really let me drive still:( i was only allowed to like drive around the estate a while before turning back. sigh.
ok nvm. main thing is. I PASSED!!!! so road users out there, look out for me!:))) (literally, cause i may just do something stupid and bang into you)
I was flying 23:14
omg. seriously. stop swearing!!!
I was flying 07:50
gloomy gloomy day again... i feel like my face is weighed down by heavy heavy weights and i just keep frowning and sighing. its like i feel so sian i literally feel gravity pulling down on my cheeks, preventing me from smiling. i think i can sort of understand how a bulldog feels. you try to smile, but its so hard cause you have to fight and overcome the gravity pulling down on you. :(
seriously my emotions are getting way out of control this year. i've been mood swinging like a pregnant woman. and sadly, the emotions i rmb the best and are the most frequent would be that of anxiety, worry and despair. sounds overly pessimistic? yea. thats me this year. this has just been such a stressful year for me so far. which is kinda ironic, given that this year is supposed to be a "holiday year". all the horribly tough decisions i have had to made this year has made me age like 20 years. i am like some worrisome old woman now. the stress of wanting to make a good decision such that it is accountable to everyone and the fear of regretting a wrong decision is killing me. i admit that making tough deicisions is my biggest flaw. i take FOREVER to make decisions, and i keep going back and forth with it. it sucks, and i cant seem to overcome it.
Smile:) - Michael Jackson
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...
SMILE:)))
I was flying 16:15
great people look impossible in the eye and conquer it; lame people look at impossible and go forget it.
according to my philosphy, i am a lame person. ahah:)
was super suprised to see my ex tkd mate on tv yesterday. he made it to the YOG tkd team! i was totally like wow, he really made it. last year when i heard him say that he wanted to try out for the tkd yog team, i was secretly giving him the O.o look. but look where he is at now! he must have been really determined man.
i feel v ban tu er fei in everything i do. like tkd and piano and pipa and yoga and in a way shooting. i am like the JAS of all trades but master of none. ahaa. its like i learn everything, but i don't excel in them. which sucks.
haha i am inspired to go for tkd lessons again! after a erm, 8 month break. ahha. i think my bones will break when i join back. hmmm. maybe i will join tkd in ntu! if there is one there. i just hope they don't make me start from white belt again. ahah.
I was flying 23:33
i am starting to feel annoyed walking around the hospital seeing young doctors. like the housemen and NUS ppl. i am starting to think that they are super AA walking around with their coats and holding medical books and stuff. ok i am being such a bitch. an envious bitch. or is it jealous? whatever it is, i feel this sinking feeling whenever i see them around. rahh. seems like i cant get over it yet. and maybe cause i keep comparing it to the china filled NTU that i will be entering very soon:/
i can alr see myself feeling the same way 10 years later, when i go to the hospital for whatver reasons and walk around seeing those oh-so-familiar faces (and be reminded of my tortorous 2 years in rj) seeing them strut around the hospital with the stethoscope (i dont think thats the correct name, but yea that thing they wear around the neck). and what will I be doing??? i dunno... still cant see myself as a regular employee working on aeroplanes yet.
hmm sour grapes. but i like sour stuff. ppl say i'm weird, like how i prefer sour mangoes to sweet ones, green apples over red apples...
ok RANDOM!! lunch break over. byeeee.
I was flying 15:09
was going off for lunch today when i was pulled into a staff meeting by my executive. i was wondering why i needed to attend the meeting, cause i am only a temp-.- turns out auditors are going to pay us a nice little visit next week, so all the executives are getting super nervous and stuff. ahha. its like we have to literally STUDY this set of handouts given to us so that we will be able to answer when the auditors come-.- but we are allowed to refer to them when being asked, so no need to memorise la. but its like quite silly i think. ahha. but meeting was super fun cause we kept making jokes about it. ahha.
its super lame though, like they will be asking things like what is the vision mission kind of crap thing. and we have to be able to answer what our job scope is. ahha. so means no watching of dramas at work next wed for me:( until they leave la.
i think the concept of companies paying ppl to check on what is going on in their own company is kind of silly. but oh wells, my boss says he will try to make me and my fellow temp colleague DISAPPEAR when the auditors come. ahah.
I was flying 15:00
the wait is over, fate has made its decision - medicine is not for me. the news came as less of a blow to me i guess. after the first rejection i guess it gets easier to accept... and plus i didnt believe that my appeal would be successful. although i would pray for the same thing everytime i went to the temple with my ah ma.
a part of me wants to give up and just concentrate on aerospace. but that passion for medicine is not completely gone yet. that little spark of hope left made me research on the post-graduate medical school. i guess i'm just not ready to give up yet. not entirely.
its funny how i went round and round, but got back to square one. in sec 1 and 2, i aspired to be a pilot, and i had it all planned out - join youth flying club in jc, study aerospace engineering in ntu,
be a pilot. in sec 3 i aspired to join the air force and get their scholarship to study aerospace engineering in ntu. luckily i was sane enough to drop the air force idea, cause no way was i ever going to get fit enough to pass their test. ahha. in sec 4, i forgot about my aspirations for the most part and just concentrated in getting into a good jc. somehow in the mid of my j1 year, my aspiration took a 360 degree change. i suddenly wanted to do medicine. i suddenly didnt want to study in ntu anymore. i suddenly wanted to get scholarships to further studies in imperial college. i have no idea what sparked that change. the rj culture i blame most of the time, i believed that the elitist rj culture made me seek for fame and prestige. many a times when i thought of this point i would question myself. is prestige the reason why you wanted to do medicine? because being a doctor is cool and prestigious? but i still believe the answer is no. or at least i have told myself so. if my main aim was prestige, there are many more routes to take. and if i were after prestige, i would definitely have chosen imperial over ntu.
so now, i am back to square one, back to the very first solid aspiration that i had, to go to ntu to do aerospace. haha. its as if fate had planned for me to choose this path all along, but i had strayed, and now it has pulled me back. funny how fate works. i shall not whine or resent (trying...) because i must stick to my belief:
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
I was flying 00:03
ok i think i have finally psycho myself to set into the whole uni mindset. or at least i thought i alr did. till i went for my medical check up today....
winnie and i were innocently waiting for the free shuttle bus from pioneer mrt to ntu and to our horror, there was a huge crowd waiting for it too. and i'm not exaggerating, but like 80% of them were from china, or india. nightmare come true man. so we missed our first bus cause we lost to the china ppl who were so proficient in cutting queues and just pushing their way up the bus. we decided to be aunties and stand right infront for the second bus, but yea we still got squished by our dear china friends. i was super disgusted cause some super duper sweaty china guy pushed on me and i just squirmed away. rahh. dear lord do i have to do this everyday for the next 4 years of my alr sad life???
anw ntu is really big, and ulu. we got lost really easily. first we didnt know where to stop. after stopping we didnt know where to walk. lol. bahh. i dunno i just didnt get a very good vibe from my first visit to ntu. maybe cause its the holidays so its like really dead and ulu and all:/
rahh i need to overcome my extreme dislike for china ppl, or the next 4 years of my life is going to be pure hell. must be gracious right and welcome our "foreign talents". rahh i need time.
oh well but managed to meet jacq up for eclipse which was not bad. ahha. no where near the book though. but i have stopped comparing films to books. impossible to have every detail in the book on screen. the edward in my imagination is way better looking than that. but taylor lautner is cute though... ahah. so jacq and i are clearly on team jacob, given how we didnt care when the vampires just broke into pieces but went "ouch" when the cute furry werewolves got hurt. lol. if i were bella, i would definitely choose jacob. he is so cute as a werewolf and as a human. ahha. that robert pattinson is just... bleah. looking forward to breaking dawn though, wonder how bella will look like as a vampire and i wanna see their baby! they say they are going to split the movie to 2 parts so they can be more true to the book, but if you ask me they just wanna cash in on the $$KACHING$$
I was flying 23:32
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
Images: x x
Inspiration: blogger
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Friday, 30 July 2010