bleah. i feel miserable. teaching is totally not what i expected... like a million times harder than it looks. i really really respect those teachers who have been in this proffession for decades. HOW DO YOU DO IT MAN!!! i'm only in my 3rd week and alr my white flag is there, waiting to be raised. i really don't wish to give up! but then i am really doubting my abilities. i really don't think the students understand me at all! like during math today i felt so bad. i think i completely comfused the class. like as a teacher i should be making them understand but instead they all looked so confused and annoyed. like i could sense these 2 girls like mocking me and giving me the feeling "what you talking? can't teach don't teach la" they were like giving unhappy faces when i called them or like laughing whenever i said someting wrongly. urgh. and i find it really difficult to like scrub it all down and teach the simple basics step by step. cause like i am so accustomed to doing short cuts and compiling all the info tgt before doing i find it v hard to teach the long way!!! and i dunno why the students are learning the longer methods:/ although this is a good experience for me, but i don't wanna make the students suffer cause of that. bahh knowing math and being able to teach math is totally different man. urrghhh this sucks. i am such a horrible teacher.
i need to be able to convince myself that i can and will pull through this next 6 weeks. i think i am already quite sure that i won't be going into teaching in the future. i can't see myself doing this for the next 10 years. and i don't think i am the type who gets numbed by time. like most teachers say after a while you will be ok with everything. but then i don't think so le. like if you like something, no matter how hard or xin ku you will also grit your teeth and pull through. but if you don't have the passion in something, i think even if everything goes smoothly you will want to give up. but i really like my students. ok maybe except for those 2 cause i am still sort of a bit pissed about their sniggering. haha. ok forgive and forget. i forgive them! (unless they do it again the next lesson which i think they will) try to hang on jasmine! you are not a quitter. nono.
anw i think the "ommmmmm" meditation thing really helps calm you down. ahha. like you can really feel the vibration as the sound sort of travels through your brain. i wanna go swim. it has the same nice calming effect:) and can shun bian lose some weight. ahha. sucks when you see nice clothes and can't buy cause its meant for skinny ppl to wear:/ or like that store hypnosis or something. "oh sorry the largest size we carry is M. we only have XS, S and M" LIKE THAT LO. discriminate against fat ppl. one day when the next ice age comes we will have fats to protect us nad you won't! lol. i am slightly losing it.
anw quite happy i got my manchester uni conditional offer! so thats 3 out of 5 now. but the 3 are not those that i realy want. liverpool is tempting though, cause of its pilot studies programme:) and i think surrey is kind of out of the question cause i think their aerospace not v good. i got a conditional offer of BBB. lol. still waiting for bristol and imperial to reply. sigh but i think even if they reply, i prob can't meet their condition. it'll prob be like an AAAA or something. okok no negativity here. miracles miracles miracles:)))
think happy thoughts! beautiful grassland... nice breeze, trees rustling..... lying down on the grass looking at the beautiful sky...... oh look whats that! a beautiful aeroplane!!!! ahha. a nice fluffy pillow to hug.... nice soothing song to listen to..... ommmmmmmmmmmmmm........
I was flying 13:06
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Pilot
Credits: KIMHONG!
Images: x x
Inspiration: blogger
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Thursday, 28 January 2010